the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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