I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize