I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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