Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
