i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
