So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
