he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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