just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Let's paint friendship bongs
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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