I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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