I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize