don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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