Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
