i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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