I feel great
I just peed on a car
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
