I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
