oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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