Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
