Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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