my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
