yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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