There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
