One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
