is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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