I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
