Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize