its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
