Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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