Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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