Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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