That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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