Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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