the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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