She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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