I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Panties = found
Randomize
