Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
