glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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