what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
