is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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