girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize