i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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