"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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