i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
