don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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