I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
