Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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