She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
