closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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