I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
