just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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