She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
