Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
