Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize