The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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