I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
