I think I died a long time ago.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
