so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
