I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You need Xanax blowdarts
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
