Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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