I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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