I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
