and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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