I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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