it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize