so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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