How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
