my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The air taste purple.
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