It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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