I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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