im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
