I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bring money and cleavage
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
