Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
