I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
