No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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