hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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