Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
